> Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly
> diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of
> being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
> sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who
> actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in
> Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the
> cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took
> pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web
> site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the  letter.  Do
> you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone
> you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? "Ooooh,
> looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid
> by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog!" What a bunch of
> bullshit!  So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the
> people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid
> chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come
> into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the
> chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this
> country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the
> year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest
> continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to
> forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen
> all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor,
> wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from
> some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.
> Show a little intelligence and think about to what you're actually
> contributing by sending out forwards.  Chances are it's your own
> unpopularity.
> 
> P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!