Date:    20 Jan 1999 23:38:18 GMT
Newsgrp: news.admin.net-abuse.email
From:    diablo+news@netherworld.moc (Guy Incognito [.moc = .com])
Subject: In the Kingdom of Boredom, I wear the Royal Sweatpants [C&C]

Bored, bored, bored.  In the midst of composing my daily spam complaints,
I was suddenly struck by an overwhelming sense of the futility of it all.
Granted, I sometimes get this feeling over a bowl of cheerios or trying
to find a parking spot, but today I just can't shake it.  I'm having
uncharacteristic (for me) trouble really believing that my email address
will ever be "mine" again.  So I sat daydreaming about how much glee I
would get by puting all of the world's spammers into one of those 
junkyard car crushers, squeezing them into a pink mushy cube and sinking
it in the Pacific, when inspiration struck.

At present I have 652 spams archived.  Grepping through subject lines 
for cross reference, I noticed that with a little effort, I could make
a passable (if nauseating) poem.

I present your your (and mostly my own) amusement:  Ode to Spammers.
Consider it a work in progress.

 Subject: Do you like the internet?
 Subject: Multiplayer Gaming
 Subject: Want to make an online bet?
 Subject: Your Free Money Making Program Is Waiting

 Subject: Do you need more money?
 Subject: Financial Freedom can be yours!!!
 Subject: Trying to find a better way?????
 Subject: Free Online Marketing Course!

 Subject: Earn Big $$ Through Bulk Email
 Subject: Invest for your future...no downpayment!
 Subject: Pre-Approved Merchant Account Closes All Sales
 Subject: " GUARANTEED " Top 20 " Search Engine Placement!

 Subject: Powerful Internet Software !
 Subject: this deal can't be beat
 Subject: New Credit File!! Not credit Repair
 Subject: Double Your Sales This Week!

 Subject: AN INCREDIBLE BUSINESS OFFER!!
 Subject: 40 Million Email Addresses FREE!
 Subject: Great Gifts!... Super Stocking Stuffers!...
 Subject: THIS HONESTLY WORKS ! Guaranteed....

 Subject: ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE?
 Subject: If your a Golfer call ASAP!
 Subject: Power Tool For Webmasters
 Subject: Make money with your computer, while you sleep!

 Subject: Check out this rare opportunity
 Subject: Have Any Woman You Want!!!
 Subject: Subliminally Seduce Women Instantly!!
 Subject: Free Government Grants

 Subject: This Offer Will End Very Soon!!!!
 Subject: Discover Your Family History
 Subject: Are They Investigating You?
 Subject: They Can Even Steal Your Identity!

-- 
Phil Hugger
diablo@netherworld.com

  "I betcha 5 dollars we ignite the atmosphere." 
  -Physicist Richard Feynman at the testing of the 1st thermonuclear bomb