Subject:  IF LINUX WERE A CAR -- Details here ...

Thought you might get a kick out of this.  Sent to me by a MS employee,
so consider the source...

(1) Your complete Linuxmobile comes with a chassis, an engine, a
drivetrain, and a very loud horn -- everything the independent motorist
needs.

(2) If you want to use more than one gear, you will have to recompile
the engine.  If that fails, simply tear it down and rebuild it yourself.

(3) You would speed past all those lazy Winmobile drivers and jeer at
their sissy windshields and doors.

(4) Fuel is free -- simply use your own tanker and refinery.
 
(5) Unlike the Winmobile, your new Linuxmobile doesn't require a bloated
electric starter.  It comes with a nifty hand crank, but to find out
where to stick it you must read a 90-page FAQ entitled "Getting the
Shaft."
 
(6) You can have any color you want, as long as it's black with white
trim.
 
(7) A steering wheel is a downloadable add-on module.  To get the web
site address, you must email dork@planetneptune.com.  He may take
several weeks to answer, because his time is much too valuable to keep
helping all you clueless newbies.
 
(8) With the latest steering wheel module, you will only be able to make
right turns.  An amateurishly written HOWTO informs you that left turns
are easy:  simply make three rights.  Anyway, if it wasn't for the
Microcar Corporation, all the roads would be straight.
 
(9) Your retractable cupholder continually generates segmentation
faults.
 
(10) The Linuxmobile warranty runs for 50,000 miles or 500,000
expletives, whichever comes first.  It expires before you get out of
your driveway.
 
(11) Qualified mechanics are everywhere, but each has only one tool.  An
oil change is free but takes eight people and three days' work.
 
(12) The owner's manual MAN page for "Lights" gives you 38 different
parameters, none of which is "on" or "off."
 
(13) If you want your Linuxmobile to actually roll, you will need
wheels.round.tar.gz.  This would only compile with engine
5.99.24.z.4.x86.  Anything higher or lower than that won't work.

(14) Tires are still in alpha testing, but you wouldn't want them anyway
because they eliminate all those cool sparks.
 
(15) You are not required to assume that awkward sitting posture while
driving.  If you must have a seat, then you aren't really a Linuxmobile
type of guy.