Ask a Bartender about....
The Five Stages of Drunkenness


Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known
universe. You know you know everything and you want to pass on your
knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. 
And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for
an interesting argument when both parties are SMART. 

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person at the party
and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing
they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are
still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the
sun. 

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can
buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of
money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because
of course you're still SMART, so naturally, you will win all your bets. 
It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy
drinks for everyone that you fancy, because you are now the BEST LOOKING
person in the world. 

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone, especially
those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing
can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the
people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of the wits or money. 
You have no fear of losing this battle, because you are smart, you're
RICH, and Hell, you're better looking than them anyway! 

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything,
because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU: You dance on a table to impress the people
whom you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see
you.You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you.  You can
walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one
can see or hear you and--because you're still SMART--you know ALL the
words..