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/*        Predictions and favorite quotes from "The Dilbert Future"       */
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Prediction 1 (page 3)
In the future, authors will take a long time to get to the point.
That way the book looks thicker.


Prediction 2 (page 7)
In the future, you will wish I had never put the image in your head
of me doing jumping jacks in an open kimono.


Prediction 3 (page 9)
On average, Induhviduals who are alive today will experience 80 years
of complaint-free living.  Unfortunately, they'll live to 160.


Prediction 4 (page 11)
The people who are studying Tai Chi Chuan instead of saving money are
planning to beat us up and take our stuff when we're retired.


Prediction 5 (page 12)
The people who are alive today will appear grotesque to the perfectly
engineered children of the future.


Prediction 6 (page 13)
In the future, we will accelerate our successful practice of brainwashing
children so they'll be nice to us while we plunder their planet.


Prediction 7 (page 17)
Life in the future will not be like Star Trek.


Prediction 8 (page 26)
In the future, there will be a huge market for technology products
that help workers goof off and still get paid.


Prediction 9 (page 30)
In the future, Internet capacity will increase indefinitely to keep up
with the egos of the people using it.  Cost will not be an issue.


Prediction 10 (page 31)
In the future, your clothes will be smarter than you.


Prediction 11 (page 40)
In the future, Network Computers will be purchased and used with the same
enthusiasm as home exercise equipment.


Prediction 12 (page 46)
In the future, ISDN services will improve to the point where you can
mention it in a crowd without generating laughter.


Prediction 13 (page 48)
In the future, we'll all use sophisticated Bozo Filters to prevent idiots
from communicating with us.


Prediction 14 (page 51)
In the future, kids won't have access to online pornography, because
the X-rated Internet sites will be clogged by horny adults who have
more patience.


Prediction 15 (page 53)
In the future, technology will continue to make our lives harder and
many of us will be delighted about it.


Prediction 16 (page 56)
In the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into
clean fuel.


Prediction 17 (page 58)
In the future, technology will become the leading cause of death.


Prediction 18 (page 67)
In the future, computer-using men will be the sexiest males.


Prediction 19 (page 74)
In the future, we'll realize that the creatures we thought were
from other planets are actually smart people who live in Switzerland.


Prediction 20 (page 79)
In the future, the trend of "personal services" will continue
until busy people are handling almost none of their routine
bodily functions themselves.


Prediction 21 (page 83)
Lack of education will not be the biggest problem in the future.
The problem will be an excess of stupidity as more people fall
below the incompetence line.


Prediction 22 (page 89)
In the future, there will be a huge increase in the number of "household
services" to compensate for the pathetic incompetence of the average person.


Prediction 23 (page 95)
Democracy and capitalism will continue to give the shaft
to lazy and stupid people.  Neither group will complain.


Prediction 24 (page 99)
In the future, most democratic countries will be led by tall people with
good hair and smart staff members.


Prediction 25 (page 100)
In the future, the value of your vote will become less than zero.
That happens when the amount you pay in taxes to have your own vote
counted is less than the value you get from the vote itself.


Prediction 26 (page 102)
In the future, voters will be so baffled that they'll want smart people
with bad hair to tell them what to do.


Prediction 27 (page 105)
In the future, scientists will create a powerful and legal aphrodisiac.


Prediction 28 (page 107)
In the future, women will run the world in all democratic countries.


Prediction 29 (page 111)
In the future, religous groups will get mad at me,
thus boosting my book sales.


Prediction 30 (page 115)
Most scientific and technical breakthroughs in the next century will be
created by men and directed at finding replacements for women.


Prediction 31 (page 121)
In the future, skilled professionals will flee their corporate jobs and
become their own bosses in ever-increasing numbers.  They'll become
entrepreneurs, consultants, contractors, prostitutes, and cartoonists.


Prediction 32 (page 127)
In the future, the balance of employment power will change.
We'll witness the reverenge of the downsized.


Prediction 33 (page 129)
In the future, highly qualified people will go on job interviews
purely for recreation.


Prediction 34 (page 133)
In the future, salaries will go down for people in medium-skilled jobs,
thanks to the godforsaken hellhole called North Dakota.


Prediction 35 (page 133)
In the future, employees will either be superstars or perspiration wipers.
Those who aren't qualified to do either will become managers.


Prediction 36 (page 136)
In the future, all work will be outsourced, until all the work on the
planet is being done by one guy.


Prediction 37 (page 143)
In the future, more people will work for themselves,
creating a huge market for bizarre products.


Prediction 38 (page 144)
In the future, filthy, perverted hobos will refer to themselves as
telecommuters, until someone points out that they aren't being paid.


Prediction 39 (page 153)
In the future, aggressive companies will replace standard cubicles
with head cubicles.


Prediction 40 (page 157)
In the future, your only choices for new project names will be ones
that sound undignified.


Prediction 41 (page 158)
In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your
competitors are just as clueless as you are.


Prediction 42 (page 159)
In the future, all barriers to entry will go away and companies will be
forced to form what I call "confusopolies."


Prediction 43 (page 163)
In the future, the science of advertising will improve to the point where
buying what you see in an advertisement is no longer optional.


Prediction 45 (page 171)
In the future, it will be easy to find customers who are gullible enough
to buy any product, no matter how worthless and stupid it is.


Prediction 46 (page 176)
In the future, the most important career skill will be a lack of ethics.


Prediction 47 (page 192)
In the future, poverty will be eliminated, along with the people who
are hoarding all the money.


Prediction 48 (page 193)
In the future, the age of consent for sex and liquor will be raised to 120.


Prediction 49 (page 194)
In the future, new technology will allow police to solve 100% of all crimes.
The bad new is that we'll realize 100% of the population are criminals,
including the police.


Prediction 50 (page 201)
In the future, more people will actively ignore the news
because it is irrelevant.


Prediction 51 (page 202)
In the future, the media will kill famous people to generate news
that people will care about.


Prediction 52 (page 202)
In the future, everyone will be a news reporter.


Prediction 53 (page 203)
In the future, the thing we'll miss most about the traditional "news media"
will be the professional reporters asking penetrating questions.


Prediction 54 (page 205)
In the future, parents will have to pass a brief written parent test
in order to get tax credits for dependents.


Prediction 55 (page 206)
In the future, it will be illegal to threaten yourself,
and the penalty for doing so will be death.


Prediction 56 (page 207)
In the future, assisted suicide will be a medical specialty
practiced by doctors who don't like people.


Prediction 57 (page 208)
In the future, there will be no compelling reason
to invade anyone's privacy.


Prediction 58 (page 209)
In the future, you'll hear the phrase,
"I'll be right back.  I gotta take a wicked withdrawal."


Prediction 59 (page 212)
In the future, there will be drive-through pet-care facilities.


Prediction 60 (page 215)
In the future, you will not need a supercomputer and a team of
scientists in order to get good nutrition.


Prediction 61 (page 218)
In the future, there will be so many new kinds of whales,
we'll all be sick of looking at them.


Prediction 62 (page 221)
Two things that will never improve in the future are
airlines and bicycle seats.


Prediction 63 (page 225)
The theory of evolution will be scientifically debunked in your lifetime.


Prediction 64 (page 227)
The next 100 years will be a search for better perception
instead of better vision.


Prediction 65 (page 253)
In the future, science will gradually free us from the optical illusions
that restrict our view of reality.



Adams's Rule of the Unexpected (page 5)
Something unexpected always happens to wreck any good trend.

Good Trend                         Unexpected Bad Thing
Computers allow us to              Computers generate 300% more work.
work 100% faster.

Women get more political power.    Women are as dumb as men.

Popular music continues            I get old.
to get better.



Immutable Laws of Human Nature (page 7)
  Stupidity.
  Selfishness.
  Horniness.


Brainwashing (page 13)
Brainwashing the children is the only logical solution to our problems.
The alternative is for adults to stop running up debts, polluting, and
having reckless sex.  For this to happen, several billion Induhviduals
would have to become less stupid, selfish, and horny.  This is not likely.

The path of least resistance is brainwashing the kids.  We do it already
in lots of ways and it works well.  Obviously, we'll have to use a different
word than "brainwashing."  I suggest calling it "lessons in right and wrong,"
just as our parents did.


Star Trek (page 17)
There are so many Star Trek spin-offs that it's easy to fool yourself into
thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future.
Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness,
and horniness of the average human being.


Women Using the Internet (page 30)
Obviously, there are millions of women using and building the Internet, too,
but on average they don't care the same way men do.  For women, the Internet
is a tool.  For men, it's personal.  Men are obsessed about the size of
their pipes, wheras women claim it "doesn't matter."


Censorship on the Internet (page 52)
In my opinion, we don't need more technology to block sexually oriented
Internet sites; we need more horny old people to jam them with traffic.
This is a very good use for horny old people.  Frankly, it's the only one
I can think of.  And since these horny old people are usually parents, you
get the added bonus of parental involvement.


Evolution (page 66)
Okay, Dilbert is polite, honest, employed, and educated.  And he stays home.
These are good traits, but they don't explain the incredible sex appeal.
So what's the attraction?
I think it's a Darwinian thing.  We're attracted to the people who have the
best ability to survive and thrive.  In the old days, it was important to be
able to run down an antelope and kill it with a single blow to the forehead.
But that skill is becoming less important every year.


Voting for lettuce (page 99)
I'm convinced that if one of the major parties nominated a bag of lettuce
for president, the lettuce would get 25% of the popular vote.  This 25%
would rationalize their decision by saying things like:
  "Well, at least that lettuce has principles!"
  "It can't be any worse than the other guy."
  "I just think it's time for a change."


Women Are Really In Charge (page 110)
If men were smart enough to figure out what's going on, they might be
tempted to use their superior size and strength to dominate women.
But women are too clever to let that happen.  Thousands of years ago,
women figured out they could disguise their preferences as "religion"
and control gullible men that way.


Technology to Free Men (page 115)
If you're looking to invest in the future, put your money in those areas
that hold the most promise for replicating the roles of women:
  Genetic engineering.
  Virtual reality.
  Artificial intelligence.
  Internet.
  Robotics.
  Voice mail.


Wool suits (page 121)
The gutsiest professionals are already quitting their jobs and going it
alone, but they're the exception.  Most professionals are like sheep.
(That's why so many business suits are made of wool, in case you wondered.)


Sexual Harassment Videos (page 148)
Wally: "I just watched the mandatory video on sexual harassment.
It worked!  In only thirty minutes, that video corrected a billion
years of evolution.  Do something sexy and watch me ignore it!"


Company Name and Logo Shortage (page 156)
We'll also start running out of new company names and logo designs.
The first sign of trouble-and we're already seeing it-is when major
companies begin using coffee stains for logos.


Liberal Arts (page 174)
If you were foolish enough to go to college and major in one of the soft
arts, such as journalism, English literature or music, you might have
a bit of a shock coming.  At best, those majors are excellent
preparation for jobs that involve removing wine corks and condoms from
the swimming pools of people who studied computer science.


Big Mouths (page 203)
People like to talk more than they like to listen.  That's why our mouths
are much bigger than the combined sizes of our ear holes. (I realize that
statement makes no sense, yet it's strangely compelling.)



Assumptions About Reality (page 229)
  Time goes forward.
  Objects move.
  Gravity exists.
  A "cause" can only have an "effect" on something it
    physically contacts, directly or indirectly.