Task: Shoot Yourself In The Foot C You shoot yourself in the foot. 370 JCL You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000 page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried. 4D You shoot yourself in the foot with what you thought was a hair dryer. 8080 You foot yourself in the shoot. Access You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all your Borland distribution diskettes instead. Ada The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarette. Ada After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type. ALGOL You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room. APL GN (* Upside down triangle *) FT ^ BLT APL You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters. APL You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what the heck just happened. Apple We'll shoot it for you, but it'll cost you a bundle and we won't say how we did it. Apple Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection for guns, target areas, plus baloon help with medical remedies, and assorted sound effect. Click shoot button and a small bomb appears with note "Error of type 1 has occured." Assembly You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover that you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. Assembly LDA BULLET STA FOOT Assembly You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rapidly shooting at everyone and everything in sight. Basic You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol (interpreted) until your leg is waterlogged and falls off. Basic You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a (compiled) Scud missle launcher. C *foot = bullet C++ You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there." Caml You think everything is set to shoot your foot, but you discover that the gun is not of type int -> int -> (gun * bullet) -> foot -> ouch -> pain besides, you only had one semicolon anyway. Cobol USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.-COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER Concurrent You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot. Euclid Cray I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot. csh After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C. dBase You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to actually shoot bullets. dBase You squeeze the trigger, but the bullet moves so slowly that by the time your foot feels the pain, you've forgotten why you shot yourself anyways. dBase IV You pull the trigger, but it turns out that the gun was a poorly designed hand grenade and the whole building blows up. Delphi You can redesign the gun any way you want to, but the bullet still hits you in the foot. DOS You finally found the gun, but can't locate the file with the foot. English You put your foot in your mouth, then bite it off. FidoNet You put your foot in your mouth, then echo it internationally. FORTH Foot Bullet shootInto. FORTH Foot in yourself shoot. FORTRAN EQUIVALENCE (BULLET, FOOT) FORTRAN You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway, since no exception processing was anticipated. FTP % ftp lower-body.me.org ftp> cd /foot ftp> put bullets Haskell You can shoot yourself, but you have to use their gun unless you ask really nice. HP You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken. HP Calculator Foot Bullet shootInto HTML Shoot here HyperTalk Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. IBM You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you're lucky. Internet You put your foot in your mouth, shoot it, then spam the bullet so that everybody gets shot in the foot. Java You shoot yourself in the foot in front of millions of Internet users who remain safely out of range, although 60% of your users web browsers will fail to read the Java code correctly and shoot 70% of the users in the head. Java The gun fires just fine, but you can't figure out what the bullets are. Javascript You can shoot yourself in the foot, but since your using IE you shoot yourself in the desktop. Lisp You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds .... Linux You can shoot yourself in the foot "Really Soon Now". Logo Turtle.Draw Turtle.A Turtle.Picture Turtle.Of Turtle.You Turtle.Shooting Turtle.Yourself Turtle.In Turtle.The Turtle.Foot Turtle.ouch Microsoft Object "Foot" will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500. Microsoft C++ You write about 100 lines of code to print "Hello, world!" w/Windows SDK in a dialogue box, only to have a UAE pop up when you click on OK. This shuts down the program manager, leaving you nothing but a screensaver. You then fly to Washington and shoot Bill Gates in the foot. Modula-2 You perform a shooting on what might currently be a foot with what might currently be a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun. Modula-2 After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. MOO You ask a wizard for a pair of hands. After lovingly handcrafting the gun, bullets, and foot, you tell everyone that you've shot yourself in the foot. Motif You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams. NeXT We don't sell guns anymore, just ammunition. NeXT You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a Scud missle launcher. Oberon After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head. occam You shoot both your feet with several guns a once. ORCA/C Byteworks keeps promising to supply good ammunition RSN! Paradox Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too. Pascal Same as Modula-2, except the bullet is not of the right type for the gun and your hand is blown off. Pascal You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but it tells you that your foot is the wrong type and out of range to boot! PL/1 After comsuming all system resources including bullets, the data processing department doubles its size, acquires two new mainframes and drops the original on your foot. PostScript /startshot bodyfont foot moveto foot cleanup showpage Prolog Your program tries to shoot you in the foot, but you die (interpreted) of old age before the bullet leaves the gun. Prolog The facts are against you. You try to stop the gun (compiled) from shooting you in the foot, but it replies "No." Revelation You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for. Scheme (You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which (you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which (you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which (you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun...(but none of your other appendages know exactly what's going on.))))) Smalltalk, After playing with the graphics for three weeks Actor the programming manager shoots you in the head. Smalltalk You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a dumb terminal. Snobol Grab your foot with your hand and rewrite your hand to be a bullet. Snobol If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot. SQL You cut your foot off, send it out to a service bereau and when it returns, it has a hole in it but will no longer fit the attachment at the end of your leg. Sun Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want. TECO @fs/bullet/foot/ Unix % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm * .o rm:.o: No such file or directory % ls % Visual Basic You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care. Windows You click on Bullet, and the mouse knocks the manual off the desktop. The manual lands corner-first on your foot. Windows95 d:\setup Error: Can't find DOS, but I can *see* it. Windows95 Your gun is not compatible with this OS and you must buy an upgrade and install it before you can continue. Then you will be informed that you don't have enough memory or hard drive space. XBase Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper. And lest we forget our roots >shoot self in foot I don't see any self here. >shoot me in foot There is no you in the foot. >shoot foot I don't know which foot you're talking about. >shoot left foot You don't have the gun. >get gun You take the gun. You're lantern just went out. You are attacked by grues. * * * YOU HAVE DIED * * *