NEW COMPUTER VIRUSES TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR.....

  Paul Revere Virus
Warns of an impending virus infection: 1 if by LAN, 2 if by C:\

  Hillary Rodham Clinton Virus
Instantly turns 1K of disk space into 1 Meg

  Ollie North Virus
Plays a patriotic .WAV while it shreds your files

  Joey Buttafuaco Virus
Only attacks minor files

  Ronald Reagan Virus
Saves your data, but forgets where it's stored

  Jane Fonda Virus
Attacks your hard drive's FAT

  Oprah Winfrey virus
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
expands to 300MB

  AT&T Virus
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

  MCI Virus
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much 
for the AT&T virus

  Politically Correct Virus
Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic microorganism."

  Ross Perot Virus
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole darn
thing quits

  Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back

  Government Economist Virus
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says 
everything is fine

  Federal Beaurocrat Virus
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of 
which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be 
the most important part of your computer

  Adam and Eve Virus
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple

  Congressional Virus #1
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem

  Congressional Virus #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't 
allow the user to accomplish anything

  Airline Virus
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore

  Freudian Virus
Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard. Or becomes
very jealous of the size of your friend's hard drive

  PBS Virus
Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money

  Jimmy Hoffa Virus
Your programs can never be found again

  LAPD Virus
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and
erases them in "self-defense."

  O.J. Virus
It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of
your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

  Monica Lewinsky virus
Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

  Titanic virus
Makes your whole computer go down.

  Disney virus
Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

  Mike Tyson virus
Quits after one byte.

  X-files virus
All your Icons start shapeshifting.

  Prozac virus
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

  Sharon Stone virus
Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

  Lorena Bobbit virus
Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

  Viagra virus
Turns you 3.5 inch floppy into a hard drive.

  Tim Allen virus
Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

  Woody Allen virus
Bypasses the motherboard and screws the daughter card.

  Saddam Hussein virus
Won't let you into any of your programs.

  Tonya Harding virus
Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

  George Michaels virus
Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.

  Spice Girl virus
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

  Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

  Martha Stewart virus
Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them
into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.